Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What Was The Question?

I just love my sexy romances. I love reading about heroes that are so hot it’s just a miracle a fire hasn’t started from the heat coming off those pages. I know my husband gets a kick out it every time another book comes in the mail. He would never think of trying to stop me from reading them. Even though he knows when I’m reading about the big hot sexy “nekked” men described in them, I’m having a little fantasy or two of my own. He sees the covers I drool over and hears the comments I make about them. Such as, “Now that is one lick-a-lious hunk”. Those covers and my imagination are a beautiful thing together. And my husband is a real trouper, especially since he’s the one who benefits from all those juicy fantasies that need an outlet. He is more than happy to do his part to help J

I mean maybe you don’t read books like these, but don’t tell me your heart doesn’t beat a little faster when you see a picture, let’s say, of a hot fireman and just for a moment have a little fantasy about what drives a man like that. A man with abs you can bounce quarters on, a man that runs towards danger when everyone else is running away.


Yummy…right? Don’t lie it’s just us here.

Actually you hear a lot of women quite opening saying things like that; sure there are a few who deny they like to look, even as their cheeks are heating up. Stop it, what’s wrong with you? What are you afraid of, it’s only a fantasy. You aren’t cheating or wrong or a bad person, because you see a hot guy and suddenly wonder what he looks like “nekked” and wonder what it would be like to hit that. You do know what a fantasy is right? I mean in real life he may look like a stallion, but just be an ass. Who cares what he’s like in real life… this is about fantasy.

That’s actually what brings me to something I’m having trouble understanding. Maybe you can help. Whether you’re the women who openly talks about it or not why do some of you give your men such a hard time when they admit to having a fantasy or two? Why are you surprised that he might still enjoy seeing a sexy picture of a beautiful woman?

What is it that gets you so upset?

Really I want to know….Well, while we’re waiting for the answer; there is something else that I’ve also found troubling.

A lot and I do mean a lot, of women I’ve talked to admit they would insist, if gods forbid they found any “dirty” magazines they would throw them out. Some have argued “what if the kids found one of those magazines”? I was 12 when I found my mom’s stash of “dirty books” I didn’t need any pictures to know what was being described on those pages. So, unless your kid can read there’s a real good chance he or she isn’t going to “see” dirty pictures, just pictures of people with no clothes on doing some very weird things that will make no sense to them at all. The only thing however, they will see is how funny you look acting like a crazy fool trying to get it away from them. “Wow mommy, I didn’t know you could make your face get that red”. Do it again…Mommy…do it again!!” Yea now that would be funny! And if they can read, just make sure to hide them better. I’m sure there are all kinds of things you’re already are hiding from the kiddies, say for instance your special “toys”. What was that? I thought I heard you just say you don’t have any? Poor dears, you do not know what you’re missing. Or maybe you just don’t like sex. Oh the horror! Still that could explain why you’d want your man to get rid of those magazines too. Wouldn’t want the poor dear to get any ideas, right?

Seriously have you ever been to clubs that women go to see sexy men take off their clothes? Which by the way, they never do get totally “nekked” (I really like that word). Most times they don’t even get to their skivvies. You can see more at a beach then one of those clubs. Damn shame too, because at the beach you really have to look hard to find a really hot guy.

Oops...sorry about that got side tracked, my bad...

The point I was trying to make is, if you know anything about the clubs men go to, girls we are not the civilized ones. There is more security at the places we go, because if there wasn’t the women would tear down walls to get to those guys. You don’t see that kind of security at men’s clubs. How do I know? I’ve been inside both.

Girls it’s not men that are the perverts. They are straight up honest about sex, likely it, wanting it and finding ways to get it. We however hide, scheme, lie and skip around the subject when it comes to sex. Hot, sweaty do it like monkeys sex.

Liar, liar pants on fire…I’m telling you I’ve seen rooms so full of women screaming at the top of their lungs, pushing and shoving to get to the front to get a better look at those hunk-a-lious men on stage.

Yet I can guarantee those same women would get their panties in a twist if they caught their guy chancing a look at another woman. And would raise hell if they found out he ever went to a strip club, even if they weren’t a couple when he did. How do I know? While at one of those clubs I asked all the women I was with and everyone said the same thing. "I’d kill him". What’s that all about?

Men how about you? Come on tell us what you think about this wicked little game women play. Is it really ok when they want to walk the walk, but not you, never you? Unless you want to be ripped a new one, I suggest you find a really good place to hide those dirty magazines. Women you really need to stop that. Double standard goes both ways. Why are you so worried?

I mean come on there isn’t a smart man alive who would admit he’s just notice a beautiful women as she passes him, or admit that he found her attractive when his wife or girlfriend caught that glance. Remember I don’t mean the jerk that falls off his chair when said hot chick walks by, I’m talking about just a glance a slight smile. Why, because he knows what will happen next; “what I’m not good enough? Mmmmmmmmmmmm? What’s she got that I don’t? I’m fat right? That’s why you’re looking at her, I knew it, I don’t turn you on. Why do you need to look at “other” women, do you need that to get turned on uh… uh… tell me is that what it takes to turn you on? And finally…YOU’RE A PERVERT!”

Ok ladies I’m gonna let you in on one of their little secrets. After that first word, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah is all they really hear.

YES IT DOES TURN THEM ON and unless he gets up and goes after her. It was just a glance, it’s just a magazine and who cares about the strip club he went to 10 yrs ago. The only thing that should matter is that the one he is rubbing all up against is YOU! The person his hands are trying to grope IS YOU! Who cares how he got there, he’s there with YOU!

So here is some advice, the next time you catch your man glancing at another woman, whisper in his ear…”hot isn’t she”? And while you’re whispering that start rubbing up his leg and when you’re almost to that sweet spot, stop and whisper this… “did she turn you on a little bit, mmm, can I help”? Believe me before you finish that question, he’s already forgotten the first…

And by the way, you’re not fat.

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