Friday, July 29, 2011

One Year Ago Today

Words, they keep spinning around in my head. I think of them while I’m driving, working out, except today, when I need them the most, they have deserted me. What haven’t deserted me are the emotions, so many emotions I may just drown.
So this time my post is not about a book or an author, but a woman who wanted to be an author, but as life often does her life went in a different direction. She wanted to write children’s books, she loved to write poetry and I would like to share a poem I wrote for her…

One Year Ago Today

I had to leave sooner than I had wanted too. One year ago today…

No matter how I tried, I had to go away.

It torn at my heart and I didn’t understand why the universe wouldn’t let me stay.

Until I got home and found Grandma was sick and then I knew someone needed me more…one year ago today…

I didn’t realize for a long time that was the reason why. I felt like I’d abandoned you when you needed me the most.  Still wondering if you were mad at me for leaving, in so much pain I just couldn’t see. 

The universe wasn’t stopping me; it’s just that one year ago today there was someplace else I had to be.

As I sat one day with your picture in hand I know it was you who helped me understand.

Still it doesn’t matter the reason why.

I’ll forever grieve I had to leave, and wasn’t there one year ago today to say… goodbye.

R.I. P Gloria Rose Brady, 7/28/10

 ~Author Barbara Mazzuca   7/28/2011

One moment I’m filled with sadness so deep I can’t stop the tears from overflowing. Then just as quickly a smile crosses my face as I remember her laughter. Sometimes I find myself actually laughing out loud as I recall one of our conversations about some humorous moment that happened to her and she'd start to laugh and couldn’t finish.   Then suddenly we’d both be laughing so hard, you know the kind of laughter that’s so contagious you can’t stop or catch your breath and your eyes start to tear and your nose starts to run. Those are the times the tears and emotion that come are of from joy. So vivid are those memories I can actually hear her laughing, as if she was right here again and I want to pick up the phone and call her.  And then I remember she isn’t here and I can’t just pick up the phone call her. That I will never hear her laugh like that again, except in my memory. I have to say at those times the emotion that brings those tears comes from anger.

I can’t believe one year has gone by since I held her hand and said goodbye and the last time I got tell her how much I loved much I still love her. This day one year ago my heart broke into so many pieces I knew it would never be whole again.

Its funny how so many people come and go in our lives, but there are only a few that when they leave take a piece of your heart with them. It’s not that the others were any less important or less cared for. I don’t know the what or the why’s of it, only that for me she held that piece. And when she left I gave it to her to keep, until the day she can give it back to me.

Today the tears I shed will come from emotion I felt for her the most… love.

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